Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
