Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im holly from the hills drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
