my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
