I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
