Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
