I just saw a hot homeless man
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
