Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
