hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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