in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
