Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
