You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
