I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
