i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
