Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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