Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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