and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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