In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We smell like vodka and hangover
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