Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
