I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
