I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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