Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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