we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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