Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
