my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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