He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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