I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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