ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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