i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
