she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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