i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this boner is exhausting
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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