as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
