Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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