The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
