on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Randomize
