he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
