wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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