He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
