I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
whose ass print is on the piano?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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