I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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