well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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