Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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