I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
