I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
