You're a womanizer and a bitch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
