Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
