There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize