I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize