[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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