Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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