I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
