I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
