So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
