Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
