I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
