my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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