she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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