I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
