best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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