Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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