Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
