I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize