The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
