Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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