Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
