theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
