she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
