If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
