i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
