I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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