When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
