i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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