So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
