I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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