I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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