i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
