I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
