As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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