Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
