it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
