remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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