he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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