a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize