You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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