if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
