he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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