The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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