i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
