Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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