Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
