but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
