Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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