I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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